TEXAS BOARD of ED: “FLINTSTONES” A DOCUMENTARY!
Barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen—like the Bible says!
The following was originally published in 2010, well before the Lone Star State had officially become America’s first trailer-park theocracy.
Austin (AP)—After three days of heated testimony and nearly thirty seconds of closed door deliberation, the Texas Board of Education announced curriculum decisions to govern growing Lone Star minds for the decade to come.
Sensing that education had swung too far to the left, the Board—whose elected members' sole qualification appears to be at least three years’ home schooling—voted sweeping changes in what their young 'uns will be learning. Among the highlights in a recent announcement to students and parents:
Evolution, like universal gravitation, is only a theory, and you shouldn't get too upset when dropped objects don't fall up. "Pray hard and keep trying, kids!"
The so-called "fossil record" is just a big practical joke that the Lord plays to test our faith. As you can see from the Flintstones—now an approved teaching aid—cavemen and dinosaurs co-existed in a surprisingly advanced civilization washed away in the Flood
The Founders didn't mention the importance of Christian principles and Gospel teaching in the Constitution because it was just so obvious
Far from being brutalized captives, "slaves" were, in fact, the first illegal aliens. Just like modern-day Mexicans, seventeenth century African Negroes were desperate for work, but instead of sneaking across the Rio Grande they stowed away on European cargo ships to hitch a ride to free room and board in the New World
Board of Ed Chairman Don McLeroy denied that the new standards were an agenda-driven hard right turn from consensus reality. "We struck a very careful balance," he explained patiently. "Believe me, there was a lot of yelling from the right as well as the left when we had our closed door meeting. But you know what? Flat Earth Science is still just an elective."
He added with a twinkle, "For now."
